It hurts. It feels like a piece of me has been violently ripped away. I admit, I've grown too attached to Tedd. Even after I told myself not to. It's funny how we tend to do the opposite of what we tell ourselves to do. Like how you tell yourself not to think about him, it'll only make you think about him more and more. Or like how you would tell yourself not to mess something up. You'll end up messing up super badly.

Like how many times I've told myself not to push anyone away, but look what happened? I've pushed away the 1 person that I've NEVER wanted to push away.

Anyway, it's been a month and two weeks since we fought and broke up. After fighting so hard to have him back and to not have the sense of abandonment from him. I gave up.
I know he never REALLY abandoned me, I mean, he's still there if I need help or someone to talk to. But I can't help but still feel like he has abandoned me. It may be imaginary. But nobody likes the feeling of being abandoned. What hurts the most is that he isn't there to reassure me that he is still there and that he still cares. That's all I want to hear from him, actually. That he's still there and that he's not going anywhere. Not as a boyfriend but as a friend. But I know he's never going to do that... 

I gave up. At the moment, I don't care if we get back together, become friends or perish. Because I'm sure that we're going to end up as STRANGERS. Two strangers who once meant the world to each other, two strangers who once ravelled in each other's existence have now grown apart and are slowly becoming strangers once again. Back to square one eh? Strangers.

It's a hard fact to learn in life; that some things aren't meant to be. No matter how badly you want it to happen, it will never ever happen. I was about to give up all hope when I saw this quote

Sometimes you have to stop worrying, wondering and doubting. Have faith that things will work out, maybe not how you planned, but how it's meant to be

That made me think that maybe I should stop trying and be patient to see if God has planned for Tedd to be in my life or if we just happened to cross paths with each other's lives. I recall asking God for patience, maybe this is how he is giving it to me. I also recall asking God for the right person, maybe Tedd wasn't the right one, no matter how much I believed that he is, the sad fact is that he wasn't. Maybe God was just preparing me for when I meet the right guy that he has in store for me.

I just need patience, faith and trust in God's plan; no matter how scary and heartbreaking it may be because God would NEVER give me more than I can handle.