You are a strong person.

That is what everyone tells me. My mom, dad, cousins, friends, acquaintances and ect.
I am not strong. I am weak. I am a sensitive person when it comes to critics. You can easily kill me with every insult you lay on my feet.
But I try to be strong, or at least, pretend to be strong because I know what society will do when they sense weakness in a person. They would use it for their own personal gain. They would use that weakness to make you feel like the most useless, pathetic and ugly person that they've ever seen.
Whenever I hear or see something that tears my heart into pieces, if I am in a crowded room, I would hold back my tears and force out a smile. I might even say a few jokes around. I will wait till I'm alone till I let myself cry. Usually, that'll be in the corner of my room.

Whenever I would cry as a child, I would hide into my maid's room with the lights switched off and cry silently. When I feel that I'm ready and capable to put a fake smile, I'll wear that smile and leave the room to join my family.

The first time I broke down in school, my friends had no idea what to do. They didn't even dare to hug me. It was new for them to see me cry. Usually I would be the crazy one. Always laughing, making jokes, drawing everywhere. You know? Just being crazy and happy ol' me. But this day, I couldn't hold back the tears. I just couldn't. Reason for that? On that day, in the morning, I received news that my grandfather died. The school bullies weren't very kind to me on that day either. But I managed to maintain my poise till the end of school.

Ah shoot, almost forgot the point of this post. I'm here to say, I try to be strong because I know how it feels to be weak, to feel used and to cry myself to sleep every night. I grew tired of it. The day I grew tired of it, was when I told myself that I deserved to be happy. I told myself that I didn't need to cry myself to sleep. I mean, I have wonderful friends that cares for me, I have an awesome family that will never leave me and I have the best God that provides me all that I need. I should be happy that I'm alive. I should be sleeping with a smile and not sleep with tears running down my face. I should be happy. :) AND I WILL BE HAPPY. Okay...at least I'll try to be