My fear of losing him

I’ve been 2 months into this relationship. I have told myself over and over again to not to take this relationship too seriously or fall too much in love with him. But I guess telling myself that every night has been failing me because I just kept falling. 

I’ve told myself that constantly because I know that one day, he would leave me. I have to face the facts, we’re both teenagers and it’s obvious that one day we’ll break up. I don’t ever want that day to arrive…  A few months back, I was never afraid of losing my significant other to another girl because I trusted him to be loyal to me as I’ve been loyal to him… However, that wasn’t the case. When he broke up with me and gotten a new girlfriend in 2 weeks time, I was unprepared for it. So the situation had a full blast to my heart…and I have to say that it hurt. It hurt me so much…   I always have this constant fear that one day, he’ll fall in love with another girl. A girl is who much prettier, smarter, funnier, crazier, more loving,  more understanding and everything that I’m not. And that’s basically every other girl out there. Doesn’t help that he’s a nurse and there are so many different drop-dead-gorgeous girls around him. And as he is getting to know most of the girls in YFC. THE GIRLS IN YFC ARE GORGEOUS, OKAY!! HOW THE HECK AM I SUPPOSE TO COMPETE WITH THEM!???  As I’ve said, I’m no treasure. I’m just an average girl. I’m not highly intellectual or beautiful. I’m not saying that I don’t trust him, I do. I really do. But it’s just my fears and insecurities. Plus my cynical thoughts making the gears in my mind go round. That’s a very bad combo which causes me to have a lot of paranoia.  
I’m afraid… I don’t want to lose him. I really don’t. 


It might seem like a ridiculously stupid thing to worry about, but I'm a very VERY insecure person. I lack self-confidence which means I really need to be reassured often and be convinced that things will be alright and nothing bad would happen. I've never really believed in the saying, " Everything will be alright" Because I know that it would only be alright for a certain period of time, then things will go horribly wrong again. It's a cycle...