Have you ever had one of those days where you just want to quit and give up?

Those days where all you want to do is stay under the covers and do nothing at all, not even to breath. I'm starting to scare myself. I mean, I woke up today and this is my first though, " Shit, I'm still alive."

I know I should appreciate being alive, especially with the many occasions when I nearly died. But I don't know..I'm just tired. Tired of this charade that I've been playing for years. I feel like I should stop lying to everyone and just say that " No, I'm not fine. Why would I be fine? Try having the doctor tell you that the tumor would never come back, only for it to return 2 years later. Would you be fine? "

I don't know how to put it, it's like I want to die however I want to live. Temporary death = sleep. But one can't stay in slumber forever. I want to die because I'm tired. I'm tired of people leaving me. I'm tired of friends parting with me. I'm tired of being sad. I'm tired of emotions. I'm tired of deadlines. I'm tired of all the family problems. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of being TIRED! I just want everything to end. I just want everything to stop for a moment to just let me breath. But that can never happen because time waits for no man.

Each day, I stand on top of my building and think... What if I just take one more step off the ledge? What if I just pretend that I'm bungee jumping again, pretending that there's a cord to save me from death and just jump? Why would anyone care if I'm dead?