What if everything that you've been telling yourself for months is a big lie? A lie that I don't care how he's doing. I don't care how he's happier without me. I don't care how easy it was for him to move on.  I don't care. I don't care. I don't care!

Because that's what I'm living on right now. A lie that I don't miss him anymore. A lie that i don't want to be friends with him. A lie that I don't want to see him. A lie that he was not everything to me.  It's all just a huge fucking lie!

I'm just so done with this charade. I thought that if I say those words to myself then one day, maybe one day I'd believe those words. One day I'd really not care about him. One day I'd just live my life with that false reality that you meant nothing to me. I thought it would work because of the quote " You are what you think you are." So I thought if i could somehow make myself believe that I've moved on, then I would. But it's been a few months and I still haven't convinced myself.

Honestly, I haven't moved on. I don't know how to move on. I just pushed him away. Removed him from all social networks and my phone just so I wouldn't see him. In hopes that one day, I'd forget him. But that's kinda stupid of me, I don't forget people. But that's how I deal with things, usually. I push them away. I shove all my problems under the rug and pretend that they never existed, like how I shoved him there.